La Fille Est Allée

2005-09-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been months, and I'm sure that no one reads this anymore, but I feel like updating something, and I can't update livejournal or xanga because I already do that enough.

And I don't exactly have much of anything to say.

What do I want to say?
I want to say everything, but I know I can't say anything at all.

Because when I say things, bad things happen.

So why can't I just shut up?

But other than me being a complete and total loser, life is alright. It's definitely been better, but it's definitely been worse. A lot of weird things have been happening...Is it strange that I kinda like it? It kinda makes me feel like I'm living in tough times and I have to learn to rough it out.

I like it when things make me stronger, because I am pretty damn weak.

I almost spilled the beans the other day. I mean, I know the beans have already been spilled by others, and I kinda tipped the jar a bit back in January, but it'll all be different when I myself actually pick up the jar and turn it upside down all over the table.

Emo isn't what it used to be.

I'm not who I used to be.

This is a waste of an entry. No one will ever read this anyways.

And They All Lived Happily Ever After

2005-01-16T00:06:00.000-08:00

Sunrise, sunset, sunrise sunset.

Swiftly go the days.

It's been two and half months since marching season ended. It's ok. Now I can focus on improving my concert skills. I'm in Jazz Band now, which is really hard. We've got a new incredibly challenging piece in Symphonic I with this incredibly difficult Alto Sax part. Only Aaron can play it. Surprise, surprise. Plus, I'm in the sax quartet at our school, and the music is pretty challenging, as well. Isn't life grand?

Sunrise, sunset, you wake up then you undress.

It always is the same.

My sleeping patterns are horrible. I can't sleep in school anymore because I am no longer taking Physics, and I only get five and half hours of sleep a night. But somehow...my body gets sufficient energy. Maybe that's why I'm so hungry all the time. My body doesn't re-energize from sleep, so I need food to get the energy I lack? I don't know. I just made that up.

A sunrise and a sunset, you are lying while you confess.

Keep trying to explain.

Lately I've been finding myself trying to keep things from my friends. I suppose it's a good thing, because I'm starting to believe that they know too much about me. Like, for example, my big secret right now...I'm not even ready to write it down on paper...

The sunrise and the sun sets, you realize and then you forget,

What you have been trying to retain.

My short-term memory is failing me. Everyone remembers all these things that I never can. It feels as if everyone clings to my every word, but that's not the case. Their memory is fine. I'm the one hurting everyone else when I can't remember their thoughts and words and feelings. I hurt my friends, and myself. I wish I wouldn't do that...but I can't help it...

But everybody knows it's all about the things that get stuck inside your head

Like the songs your roommate sings or a vision of her body as she stretches out on your bed.

She raised her hands in the air and asked you when was the last time you look in the mirror because you've changed.

Yeah, you've changed.

I still haven't found my identity. All I know is that I succeeded last year in showing off who I wanted people to think I was. Too bad it's hurting me now. Too bad it's not what I want now. I believe I've changed a lot.

He wants an apartment to live in next year. All the more reason for me to fall for him. I love independant men. Men who can take care of me.

The other one wants a better roommate. How I wish I had another chance to prove that I'm not the person he remembers me to be.

Sunrise, sunset, you're hopeful then you regret.

The circle never breaks.

I've had a large amount of "crushes" this year. I raise my hopes, then they come crashing down. Very down....Especially after the whole Michelle and Jamie thing. That one hurt like a bitch.

With each sunrise and sunset, there is a change of heart or address.

Is there nothing that remains?

What am I going to do when I "grow up"? My heart is set out on becoming a Music Teacher. But I mean...this changes every month or so. Will this be what I'm going to want for the rest of my life?

What about that vision that I had so long ago?

I guess what I was watching on TV during that vision doesn't matter. All that matters is the pottery I'll be making and the beautifully decorated room, and the clothes I'll be wearing...I suppose.

For a sunrise or a sunset, you're manic or you're depressed.

Will you ever feel ok?

I cried at school Friday. In front of Emily. I told her one reason, but it was more another reason than the reason I told her. I need to stop this whole crying thing...

It's a sunrise or a sunset, your lover is an actress.

Did you really think she'd stay?

Michelle is all obsessive about the whole Jamie thing and about The Mystery Mistake. It's the mistake she must have made to make him decide that he didn't want anything more with her than just friendship.

Maybe it's not you, Michelle. Maybe he's the jerk. Maybe he's the cold one. Maybe he's the one that built a wall. Maybe he's the one that made the mistake...

What a jerk...

For a sunrise and a sunset, you're either coming or you just left.

But you're always on the way.

Why is it that I can't live a day without liking ANYONE? This feeling will never leave me alone...

Towards a sunrise or a sunset, a scribble or a sonnet.

They really are just the same.

I've been writing too much. I have this journal, a livejournal, a xanga, the NBOD, and my own personal journal. Is it too much? I don't think so...but you never know. It's making me become very...self-absorbed.

I don't know.

To the sunrise and the sunset, the master and his servant

Have exactly the same fate.

This applies to something....damnit, it really does. But this applies to the thing of which I cannot speak nor write....

It's a sunrise and a sunset, from a cradle to a casket

There's no way to escape.

I've come to like myself a lot more lately. A lot more. And I'm glad. It's about time. Don't get me wrong, there are some times where I really really deeply hate myself...but then again...I'm really the only person I can depend upon. Thinking that helps me...a lot.

The sunrise and the sunset, hold your sadness like a puppet

Keep putting on the play.

I cannot show Michelle my sadness. I cannot show her how much that hurt me. I cannot show her the tears I cried. I cannot tell her the words I said. I cannot tell her what's wrong with me. I cannot.

But everything you do is leading to the point where you just won't know what to do

And at that moment you may laugh but there is someone there who will be laughing louder than you.

So it's true, the trick is complete. You've become everything you said you never would be. You're a fool.

You're a fool.

Self-fucking-explanatory.

Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset, the sunrise and the sunset.

Sunrise, sunset, go home to your apartment and put the cassette in the tape deck and let that fever play.

I must stop getting emotionally attached to songs. Like Clocks, A Perfect Sonnet, Sunday Bloody Sunday, Marche Slave, Suteki Da Ne, Champagne Supernova, Shostakovich's Symphony No. 10, Second Movement, This Celluloid Dream, Satellite....etc.

Sunrise, sunset, where are you Arienette?

Tell It Like You Still Believe The End Of The Century Brings A Change For You And Me

2004-11-28T13:28:00.000-08:00

Wow. So much has been going on in my life since my last update.

Thanksgiving break is almost over, and as usual, I've completely put off doing everything I told myself I would do. I hate myself.

Marching band is over, and it makes me want to cry. Marching band is my life. Now I have to settle with concert band. But it's not too bad, because I'm in Sym. 1. If I were still in Concert 1, my life would suck so incredibly much more. Plus, next semester, I'm going to be in a sax quartet! I'm so excited! PLLUUSSS, B-Rob is going to try to work out my schedule to get me into Jazz Band, but I highly doubt he can pull that one off. I have to take World History and Algebra 2 and probably give up Spanish to retake Physics.

I don't think you quite fully grasp the concept of how much I hate myself.

More and more everyday, I need someone to hind behind....Someone to take care of me....I was watching Cowboy Bebop last night and the episode was called Ganymede Elegy. It was mostly about Jet. Jet went back to Ganymede and found his former lover, Elisa. Elisa left Jet randomly one day, and finally she explained to him why....holding Jet at gunpoint. But her hands were unsteady and she never managed to shoot him. She left him because she didn't like to be taken care of. I wanted to slap her. That's all I want...someone to take care of me.

I need someone to hide behind.

Hm, I'm hoping that I'll begin to enjoy Winterguard more, because as of now, I'm not too terribly fond of it, because I can't dance for beans. But I'm not that bad at spinning a flag.

Lately, I've been stressing myself over whether I should ask Jamie out. I decided against. In fact, I was thinking about it earlier, and I believe that I'm starting to stop liking him. Which is definitely a good thing. So, as of now, I don't like anyone, which is a feeling I'm not used to, but I need it.

Ryan helped me interpret one of my dreams. Just in case, I've asked Dr. Lynch to interpret it, too. I wonder if Ryan was right...

Well, anyways.

I miss marching band.

Mom and I went out and bought some nice dress up clothes for me. I'm looking forward to an ocassion to wearing them. I'm also really really looking forward to Band Banquet. But it's not until forever. And ever.

Only 170-something more days until Rookie Camp!

You Gave Me Three Cigarettes To Smoke My Tears Away

2004-08-29T22:15:00.000-07:00

Isn't it interesting how listening to Damien Rice while updating my livejournal has become a tradition? I just can't seem to update without my beautiful Damien Rice playing in the background.

I have neglected this journal, though I'm not quite sure why.

So, let me bring you up to speed.

In my last post, I was moaning and groaning about how much I hate marching band. Well, things change. I'm in love with it. I'm addicted. Marching band is my therapy. A metronome constantly keeps tempo in my head. I find myself mentally running the first movement in my head while I rest my head in my arms during Physics. Marching band just makes it all better. If it wasn't for marching band, I would have never gotten a crush on Patrick and the other guy. I would have never become friends with Tabitha. I wouldn't have lost so much weight, or improved so much on My Precious. I would have never discovered the delight of a simple roast beef sandwhich, or written a song about STD's. I would never have found myself conducting music in my head or discovered the joy of standing on my toes. Marching band is my life now, and I never want it to end. Marching band is something I'd want to do for a living. Marching band challenges me, makes me cry, makes me laugh, makes me push myself, makes me happy, gives me pride, and gives me esteem. I don't know what I'll do with myself once marching band season is over.

My cell phone died today. I'm so upset. I got it wet at Six Flags and it doesn't want to turn on anymore. I'm so stupid...

Emily won't believe me when I try to tell her how wonderful she is. I was sobbing throughout our whole conversation because she just wouldn't understand. Why does she insist on being so stubborn?

School is alright so far, but the only things I care about are Psychology and Band. Unfortunately, I have band class only every other day, but with marching band, it's as if I have it every day, which is not a bad thing at all. Not at all. Unfortunately also, I only have Psychology this semester. Plus, I have it first thing in the morning, which saddens me that I have nothing to look forward to on B days. My ideal day would be Band until lunch, then Psychology after lunch, then marching band from 4:00 - 10:00. And I would live at school, with all my friends and marching band would be my life. Then I do believe I would be truly happy.

It feels so good to cry tears for someone else.

I am no good.

I'm using a new shampoo and it's working miracles in my hair.

I think I'm going to go upstairs to my mother's room and listen to some old downloaded music from the old computer. The one song I have in my mind particularly is Obsession by SeeSaw. It's such a beautiful song...

If You're Going To Live Without Me

2004-07-13T19:07:00.000-07:00

If you read my livejournal post, you can see that I'm really pissed.

Marching band has been a kick in the ass. I suck, plain and simple. The Freshman are better than me. I wasn't even in tune today! And I'm always in tune! The neckstrap on the saxophone cuts off the circulation to my brain. I took my sax off (that sounds weird) and I had this huge, sudden rush of blood to my head.

I get really lonely at marching band. I mean, I know I have Emily, but she's always with Kali and Michelle and Sally and Keiron and stuff. And I'm sorta left out....sorta. And then there's Ashleigh, but she's got her foreign exchange student who's name I will never be able to pronounce. And she's got a lot of other friends. And she's always busy. Naturally, I've been extremely friendly to absolutely everyone, but I still lack the friends I need to make this experience the best it could be. I wish so badly that Bianka was in marching band, but then I feel really badly for making such a horribly selfish wish.

Well, the cell phones didn't come today, but I'm still waiting and hoping! I've memorized my number, and you will, too! It's 770 315 0196. : )

I had an orthodontist's appointment today. At 4:00 pm. I got to leave rehearsal early. It was brutal. My mouth hurts like crazy. CRAZY!!!

Honestly, everytime I go there, I'm half hoping I'll run into Taylor. Not because I still have a crush on him or anything. But because...well...I dunno. It'd sure be interesting!

Well, I have nothing more to say. I think I pretty much covered all I needed to get out of my system on my livejournal.

EDIT: I had some stuff posted here, but it fucked up my entire blog, so I deleted it. It was good stuff, though. Oh well.

Ta.

Harder Now, With Higher Speed

2004-07-09T16:12:00.000-07:00

Ok, so, plans with Bianka were aborted. She had company coming over. Is it just me, or does she never seem to enjoy it when her family has company over? : )

Yesterday was pretty much a bad day. My mother was being the biggest nag. Well, I'm glad she had her uterus removed so she can't PMS. God, that would be scary. Then I practiced my warm-ups and played "Land of 1000 Dances" a billion times, only because I've been playing the song since 7th grade and I know it well enough. ¬.¬ Afterwards, Bianka called and told me that we couldn't go to the movies. A little upsetting, but oh well. No point on dwelling on it, right? So, I had no other excuse to get out of Luky's birthday dinner. Well, as soon as I got there, they already had my entertainment out. I get whiney if we have to stay for very long. No one really likes to talk to me. Ok, so not really. Well, I ended up watching Don Juan Demarco which is a WONDERFUL Johnny Depp movie. I wonder if Keru has seen it. (Probably, ^_^) I'm dying to read the book that the movie..."revolves around". I also want to see Once Upon A Time In Mexico again. That movie was GREAT. Antonion Banderas is HOT. And hilarious as Puss in Boots! Anyways, after the movie, I watched Titanic. That's also a good movie. Yes, so what. I, Jessica Sfintu, watched Titanic and enjoyed it. Liz says "awww". Anyways. I didn't get to finish, so Tia Yeiny let me take it home with me.

Afterwards, I got online and had a great conversation with Hugo. Hugo's...weird. He can be such an unconsiderate jackass at times, but then other times, he's really sweet. Unfortunately, my mother doesn't respect the fact that I'm on summer vacation, so I had to go to bed.

Today has just been hell for me. I woke up and the first thing that happens is that I wake up to my mother scratching my back with her nails. What happened to just yanking the pillow out from under my head or pinching my ear? Well, lucky for me, she had good news. I'm getting a cell phone! It's coming either Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday. It's the latest model from Samsung. It's a family plan. We each get 350 minutes, and I get 100 text messages. Except, in order for me to have that, I have to pay my mother three dollars a month. But that's fine with me. I have to download the games that I want for $2.00 each, and I can download ring tones for free. I don't like my number though, but at least I have a number! My number is (770) 315 0196. My mother said that the phone is a small phone, with a flippy lid thing. I'm so excited!

Ok, well, the hell comes after the good news. Today we went to Canton, just to open a bank account. I hate Canton. I read chapter 1 of A Tale Of Two Cities. It's very...gory, but not in any exciting way. It's very boring. Not a single word of dialogue was uttered in chapter one.

Afterwords, we go home and I'm forced to clean my room. Perfectly. Which has taken my all day, and I'm still not done with it. I have to vacuum and get all the stuff I shoved under my bed and various pieces of furniture.

I just cannot wait until school starts. I yearn for it. Unfortunately, with school comes marching band. With marching band comes regrets and a lot of dread.

I have absolutely nothing left to say, other than I need Kazaa badly. But anyways, good bye for now.

Still A Little Bit Of You Laced In My Doubt

2004-07-08T21:23:00.000-07:00

Is it a part of growing up, being ready to live on your own emotionally much faster than your age? Because I am more than ready. My mother is absolutely driving up the wall.

I yearn to have my own place. My own home. I yearn to get out of these years. I yearn to truly have my own privacy. I yearn to say, "I bought this with my own money, that I, myself, earned from hard work. Look what I've done!"

I'm NOT looking forward to marching band. Not at all. Why the hell did I join? I'm seriously regretting all this.

Ok, so, anyways. Yesterday I spent mostly doing absolutely nothing at all. I didn't eat any real meals, and I really don't give a damn. I cleaned absolutely nothing but two glasses of milk and two cereal bowls. Well, I made my bed at least. I had another lecture about responsibility and motivation. Like I need another one of those. After that, I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich. Then, my mother drives me to AMC 24. I saw Amy for the first time in a while, and she looks the same. I saw Han for the first time in an even longer time, and she looks awesome! I admit, I was seething in jealousy of how pretty she is. She's got her pretty Chinese face, and her pretty Chinese hair, and her gorgeous Chinese body. You can't deny that she got lucky, name-wise, too. I love her name. Han Ye. And she speaks fluent Chinese. It's the same exact thing with Keru, too! Keru Cai! Pretty face! Beautiful hair! Perfect body! And both are so intelligent...I would kill to be Asian, like those two. Well, ANYWAYS, Amy, Han, and I went and saw Shrek 2. It's a really hilarious movie! I loved every minute of it. I had a really good time. I just think I acted like a complete jackass. I really wish I could kill that part of me. Well, afterwards, I tried calling my mother, but no one answered on either the house or cell phone. So, Amy said it would be alright if I were to go to her house and try to reach my mother from there. So, I went to her house and saw her brother, Jeff. he's a real jackass. Well, mid-way through telling Amy the "Brent story", my mother came, so I'll have to tell her later.

When I got home, I stayed up and watched all of Adult Swim except for Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Inuyasha. Don't get me wrong; I love those shows. But I'd rather get online then. So I did. Afterwards, I watched Case Closed and Lupin the 3rd. I love Lupin. Everyone loves Lupin. It's like an anime rule. : )

Woke up around 12:48, to the phone ringing, but I didn't answer it because I didn't have my contacts in.

I'm hungry.

What Am I, Darlin'?

2004-07-08T09:31:00.000-07:00

Good Afternoon. Or should I say, Bad Afternoon. Staying at home is completely not my idea of a great vacation. But now, I'd rather sit at home doing nothing that go and do marching band. I'm really not looking forward to it. I should quit. But it's too late now. (The icing on the cake is that my therapist said she would like to come see me perform at the games. I said she wasn't invited. She said she'd come anyway.)

Books I HAVE To Read:
The Story of O
The Da Vinci Code
The Joy Luck Club
any two other books on the reading list.

I think I'm going to apply for a job at Media Play one day. Maybe I'll get discounts. That place is the perfect store for me. PERFECT.

I can't remember my dreams last night, but I remember waking up knowing that I had some unfinished business I to which I desperately needed to attend.

My Life's Goal:
1) At one point in time, put my voice in an anime dub of any sort. I don't care if I'm some wimpy Pokemon in one episode or if I'm the lead in an anime as big as Cowboy Bebop.

I suppose I should try to get in contact with Han. I suppose I should get to memorizing those warm-ups. I suppose I should shower and get dressed and cook lunch. I suppose I should clean my room and the living room, but I don't feel like it. In fact, I don't feel like doing anything but either reading a good book, or going swimming. Two problems, I have no good books to read, and I have no one with whom to go swimming.

So, if you...two...who read this blog have any good books they suggest that I read, could you let me know?

Don't you hate it how people just automatically assume who you are by your skin color? Most people assume I'm Hispanic. Some, who notice that I'm actually smarter than the stereotypical Hispanic-American, assume I'm Indian. Or, if someone sees me with my father, know my father is Romanian, and know nothing of my mother (which means the majority of people at Daddy's church), they assume that I'm gypsie. Gypsie. I hate this planet.

Movies I'm Planning on Seeing, Theater and PPV:
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
The Last Samurai (GREAT movie!)
Shrek 2
White Chicks

I love movies. *smug face*

You know what, this is stupid coming out of a Harry Potter fan, but, I just realized that I'm a muggle.... Isn't that weird? We're all muggles!........

Ok, well, this entry was more pointless than any other, and I'm not too happy with what I had to say this morning (I deleted about half an hour's work..@.@), so I'll just leave this off right here.

Here's To You And Your...Lover Boy

2004-07-07T20:58:00.000-07:00

There's really no point in updating this. I'm in a rotten mood. I feel like I once again fucked everything up. I made some more stupid mistakes. God, I'm such an idiot sometimes!

I guess I feel so rotten because I had such a good time spending time with Emily. We bought Pocky. The Terminal was pretty good. I liked it a lot. And though I'll deny it, I really don't give a shit about where the croissant came from. Really. Damn Frenchies....I was kind of disappointed that we didn't get to see Fruity Bag Guy, however. I disapprove of my behavior and it's eating away at me right now. So sorry if I've been really bitchy.

Well, tomorrow I'm going to see Shrek 2 with Han (maybe Amy). Then Friday I'm going to see White Chicks with Bianka. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. I hadn't seen Han in about a year. I think. Well, it feels like light years. Plus, we can't just forget about our friendship in the eighth grade.

Come to think about, I'd like to forget eighth grade along with ninth grade. Seventh too. I was a downright bitch that year. Sixth year was just full of embarrassment. Fifth grade was my first B and when I broke my arm. Fourth grade was a good year. Third was too uncomfortable for me. Second grade, well, all I can remember were instances of embarassment. I only remember Matt from first grade. I remember absolutely nothing about kindergarten and the only thing I remember about preschool was Maria chasing Jason around. Maria was wearing that pink and blue windbreaker she would always wear.

But that's relatively pointless. And no one cares. Ah well.

I mean, there's always tenth grade to look forward to, eh? One year closer to my death day.

I shouted something stupid a little too loud in the parking lot today. It reminded me of the time when Eric...*blush*. Well, let's avoid that part. Well, I yelled a little too loudly about something going missing in my pants (it sounds weird, don't worry about it...). Anyways, just thought I should mention that. It is my blog after all.

Another point to add to that list in the first entry.
-Blog is just more fun to say than Blurty or LiveJournal.

I think, for my upcoming birthday, I would very much like a shopping spree at Media Play. Yes, that's right. Media Play over Best Buy. No, not because of Fruity Bag Guy, but because they have Pocky! Plus, Best Buy doesn't sell Plushies of Kureneko.

I almost wet my pants with the news I heard tonight. Pre-camp is next week! How come I haven't been recieving any emails about this?! I haven't been recieving a single email about anything involving anything about marching band. Perhaps they don't want me in it anymore. Good, because I don't want to be in it anymore. But I've wound myself up in it too far, I have to stay. Damn it!

I remember the first time I ate Pocky. *blush* Another Eric memory.

Like I said, completely pointless.

I'm really...lonely again. Really lonely. I mean, I know I've been busying myself with people, but it's not that kind of lonely. It's not the "desperation for a boyfriend" kind either. It's more like, someone who used to love me a lot doesn't love me at all anymore, and I can't quite put my finger on who it is or why he/she had any reason to stop loving me.

Well, I better put an end to this entry. It's getting really late, plus my bed looks incredibly welcoming right now.

PS: Please remind me to stick a wine uncorker thingey through the part of my brain that controls my actions. I think it would do my tiny tiny corner of the world a good deed. Oh, so tiny...

Children Scream, Or So It Seems, Louder Than Before.

2004-07-07T07:54:00.000-07:00

Reasons To Get This Blog:
-Privacy. The blog that Bianka made me is just so beautiful and I love it to tears. I really did cry; it was wonderful! However, it's just not working out as well as I planned, and it's really difficult to update...And everyone knows I have it. My LiveJournal is great, and I do believe that I will continue to update that, but it's too...open. Therefore, I decided to get this blog for privacy. It's become more and more important to me each day to be alone and keep my secrets.
-Time for a change. I feel that I've had my LiveJournal long enough now, and it's time to move on. I don't need to remember the emotions I had at that time. I don't need it at all.
-Coolness. Blogspot is just way cooler that LiveJournal. Simply put. It had more stuff on it (as I saw on Bianka's) and stuff I can add on...and stuff.

It took me an hour trying to figure out all those names that I should use for this and that and whatnot. I don't even remember what I used for all of it, nor am I absolutely certain that I'm going to be happy with the selections I made. Oh well, no point in dwelling on it now. And I suppose that I can always go back and make the necessary changes if needed. Otherwise, I believe I'll cope.

It is just a little disappointing that no one will read this. A little sad. Lonely. Really lonely. Well, I know for certain I'll tell Bianka. I ~~know~~ hope she'll want to read this...Perhaps I'll tell Andy, too. He doesn't really care, or so it seems, anyways. But yet, somehow, he does? He's confusing. I'm confusing. We're all confusing. Or so it seems. Maybe Emily. I don't know about Michelle. Or Liz. Ok, now I'm kind of defeating the whole privacy thing. I guess maybe I should make a test, and whoever passes it gets to read this. Ha! I make it sound like a priveledge. Ok, whoever passes it will be begged by me to read it until they get so annoyed that they just pretend to read it and skim it and lie to me and say that they did read it. Right.

Hmm. The browns on the update page make me crave for a Frappuccino. Which reminds me of Eric's and mine first inside joke. We were in my mom's car, and we both saw Starbuck's. We both said "Frappuccinos" (sp??) at the same time, slowing down on the last syllable as we noticed that we both had said the exact same thing at the exact same time. It was nice, but I think I'm ready to give those memories a good kick in the you-know-where. Or a purse in the you-know-what, which reminds me of another thing with Eric. He was standing behind me, and I was swinging my purse...and, well, you guessed it. He was on the ground howling and I couldn't help but laugh through my pitiful attempts of sympathy. People stared and pointed and laughed along with me. Eric was mad at me. Even madder when he found out that I had told people what had happened. I couldn't help it; it was just so funny!

I still want that Frappuccino though.

Which makes we want to go to Barnes & Nobles, which is impossible at the moment, seeing as I'm only 14 years old (but not for much longer now; August 22nd!) and I don't have a car. Even if I had a car, I couldn't drive it. Not legally, anyway.

In case you haven't noticed, I have nothing to say. I just have much too much time on my hands. I need another good book to dive into, but my neck aches like Hell from yesterday's all day mission of reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. It's a very good book. Not as action-filled as the others, but it clears up the "big question" and is really tragic and emotionally driven (in other words, angsty). Don't get me wrong; this isn't the first time I read the book. I just hadn't read it in about exactly one year, so I hadn't remembered anything except that Sirius died. Coincidentally, yet tragically, my big black dog named Sirius was shot by my father's next door neighbor's 13 year old (at the time) son. I have the terrified feeling that perhaps one day, that dog might be avenged.

I guess I should read A Tale of Two Cities. But it's just so dull. Charles Dickens is too descriptive. I don't care about the scenery, dude. At least stick some dialogue in there every five pages or so. I don't particularly give a damn whether it's the best of times or if it was the worst of times! (I can't seem to get my point across without saying "goddamn" or "fucking" anymore...a price to pay to try my hardest to sound somewhat intelligent. At least I refrain from it in front of Dr. Lynch, unlike Ms. Kinsey. She's intolerable, that one. But, surprisingly, I cope with her well, and get along with her at times...which is besides the whole point of Charles Dickens, but...oh, shut up.)

I really would like to see a movie today. I think I should blow off that $20 that that nice Romanian lady gave to me at Daddy's Fourth of July party. Well, not all of it, but some. I need to catch up on my movies, seeing as I was gone all June.

Oh goody! Emily and I are planning to see a movie right now! What I most want to see is Two Brothers but I doubt she wants to see it.

I'm talking to Eric. We're talking about...the weather. And....books. Well, it's a start, I suppose. It sure as hell is better and a lot more...comfortable than our last conversation which I don't plan on reliving.

Ok, thanks Eric. Make me talk to....her, who made a surprise visit to your doorstep during our convo. You interrupt it, and answer the door. Then, you're gleeful that she's there. You go make food and expect me to talk to her.

"he said your name in his sleep once, when he was at my house trying to go for a record of staying awake and he fell asleep on my couch."

She said that that was the only time she really heard my name.

I'm unusually cheerful this morning. : ) See example below:
queuecaribou: oO
queuecaribou: I'm sleepy
GottaLuvTheFUZZY: OO! OO! Can I be Doc?! No wait, I want to be Sneezy! And Michelle would make the perfect Dopey!
queuecaribou: hahahahahaha

I'm in such a better mood. All I really needed was some human contact, I assume.

I'm planning on going to the movies with Han tomorrow, too. Keru can't make it; she's on a holiday. I hope Amy can make it, though we should ask her. And I suppose I should ask my mother, as well...

Ok, uncertain plan for the week:
Wednesday - movies with Emily, going to see The Terminal
Thursday - movies with Han, maybe Amy, going to see Shrek 2
Sometime later this week - maybe maybe maybe movies with Bianka, going to see White Chicks, she said she wanted to see it when we were at the mall, though I was rude and interrupted, but I remember now.

GottaLuvTheFUZZY: ok, if you need me, my number is Jessica and ask for 678 797 1797!